Moving on WITH you not without you
When my mom passed away, I was given a chakra deck from a good friend. The number 8 has started to be significant since my mom passed away. She passed away 8 days before my 39th birthday in 2024. In 2002, my dad passed 8 days after my 17th birthday. My husband just a few days ago connected that our cat, Jameson, who meant the world to us, passed away 8 days before our anniversary, in 2024. Now, as if that wasn’t strange enough- my husband was born in 1988. That is a lot of 8’s to just be a coincidence.
I am not religious but I consider myself spiritual, but I lean more pagan. I have a naturally rebellious nature and can’t subscribe to one way of thinking. I have done some research about the number 8 within different spiritual/religious traditions. My mom identified as Christian, so even though I don’t share that belief- I am fascinated by the biblical perspective. Here is what I found:
- Abundance and Success:
The number 8 is widely recognized as a symbol of wealth, success, and material prosperity. - Strength and Power:
It can also represent inner strength, determination, and the ability to achieve goals, sometimes linked to feminine energy. - Balance and Harmony:
The symmetrical shape of the number 8 also symbolizes balance, both in its physical form and in the cyclical nature of life, suggesting renewal and equilibrium. - Infinity and Infinite Possibilities:
The continuous loop of the number 8 connects it to the concept of infinity, suggesting endless opportunities and potential for growth. - Spiritual Significance:
In various spiritual contexts, 8 represents new beginnings, spiritual regeneration, and a departure from the natural world into the supernatural, according to Torah Mitzion and Chabad.org. - In Judaism:
The number 8 is associated with new beginnings, redemption, and the Kingdom of God, according to LoveIsrael. - In Chinese Numerology:
8 is a highly auspicious number, symbolizing wealth and good fortune. - In the Bible:
It often represents new beginnings, resurrection, and a fresh start. - Seeing the number 8, especially repeatedly, is often interpreted as a positive sign, urging individuals to embrace their potential, work towards their goals, and trust in the abundance of the universe, says TODAY.com.
My mom was one of the most caring people that walked this earth and she would spread love everywhere she went and to anyone and everyone. She never let her struggles stop her from spreading joy to others. My mom lived with Bi-polar Type 1 with psychosis. She took good care of herself but she was often over medicated during my childhood. She had to sleep a lot to balance her mental health and life responsibilities. We watched a lot of movies together and I have fond memories of making her watch Star Wars a million times, Neverending Story, Lord of the Rings, E.T., and other great 80’s and 90’s sci-fi and fantasy movies. She would take me to the video store every weekend and let me just go crazy and rent a ton of movies and video games.
Anyway, my mom was the best human and anyone that met her would agree with that. Despite her many struggles, despite being treated less than, despite being over medicated, despite getting Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome, and then even upon developing dementia- she was always there one way or another. There were times when she was a zombie and I thought I had lost her forever, but she would get a little better. It was a cycle until the final months of her life. The dementia got really bad and I knew she wasn’t coming back this time. This triggered a hypomanic episode and the worst one that I have had to date. My brain finally accepted that she was gone for good this time. She died about 5 months later.
I have been processing so much anger about the way she was treated. She was neglected so many times it makes me nauseous. My mom sent me a message that it isn’t my fight. Apparently she died in her sleep and just one last final breath. Getting to the after life was like a birthday party and finally going home to be with our ancestors. I won’t go into how I know this at this time because that isn’t the story that I am meant to tell right now.
My mom is telling me that it is time to move on with her and that she will always be with me no matter what. I do believe that I will see her and my other ancestors again someday but I have a lot of work to do here first. My mom taught me all of the most important lessons that humans need to learn in life and that has always given me an edge. My mom taught me empathy. My mom taught me kindness. My mom taught me forgiveness. She taught me to be the best human that I could and she taught me that I could do and be anything.
Mom, I would never have become who I am today without you. I am so sorry that life wasn’t better to you but sometimes our perception is skewed. You said you had a happy life and I heard the message. I wish I would have seen it more when you were here but it gives me peace now when I need it most. I will never stop missing you and I know you want me to move on with you and not without you. I love you to the moon and back.
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