My husband and I have made so many mistakes and so many great choices together. Just like any good relationship that is human, right? Since my Mom passed away, I have been very reflective and nostalgic. All the feels.
I am now 40-years-old and I have purchased and sold a house. Not uncommon at my age, however, for my generation it hasn’t been a very easy thing to accomplish. Numbers and Facts. I have worked VERY hard for everything I have. I was a bit spoiled as a child being either the youngest or only child at times. It’s complicated.
I definitely have trauma from my childhood, most people have at least 1 ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences). My score is about a 4 or 5 out of 9. Luckier than some, unluckier than many. I also grew up with a tremendous amount of privilege being white and I am not at all afraid to admit and acknowledge that.
I am so proud of who I am at 40. I have been a crappy human many times in my life especially when I was just a young and bright eyed young adult. I didn’t make time always for the people I should have and made stupid decisions like many of us. I self-medicated because I didn’t want to feel all the feels while dealing with everything my Mom went through. I wasn’t ready to unpack my trauma and process. I definitely wasn’t ready to acknowledge that I was living with a severe Mental “illness”. I hid it as best I could because I saw how my Mom was treated by so many- especially those that claimed to be family. Disgusting.
I also had no idea I was AuDHD and that term didn’t exist. That means I am both Autistic and I have AdHD. Terms and diagnoses serve a purpose but really I am just very very very Neurodivergent. That means my brain diverges from what is considered “normal”. DUH. It seems so obvious now. I had sensory issues I didn’t understand and did some “weird” behaviors. NO idea if they were noticed and ignored or just not noticed.
The most interesting thing is that family have told me that I was like a motor you couldn’t turn off. My Mom kept me VERY busy with sports and activities, so awesome job Mom. I played instruments and picked it up easily. I could play any sport I tried pretty much but was awesome at Basketball and Softball/Baseball. I did well in school- often testing at high school or college level in grade school apparently from what I was told by my Mom. I was always moving and had a hard time sitting still which is more common with boys with AdHD. Then there are the symptoms that are not noticed in girls usually. When people describe me as a child I sound like a boy with AdHD via stigma. What the?!?
The reason (one of) why Autism diagnoses have increased so much is because there used to be 2 separate categories. There was those with Asperger’s and those with ASD (Autism Spectrum “Disorder”). Asperger’s was used to describe those people that were highly intelligent but also struggled with social situations like those with ASD. Then after more research they discovered just how much of a spectrum ASD belongs on.
Now we just call any experience of Autism above a certain score on the very long test- ASD. So, combining said diagnoses practically doubled the prevalence. Also, because of research via Neuroscience and other sciences, we now understand ASD even better. We have learned that Women experience Autism a bit differently and internalize and mask due to stereotypes and stigma of how a girl “should” act.
Anyway, just wanted to share a bit about my Autism journey and some of the science behind ASD.
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