Author: rightsandwhiskers

Me: I was reading a fascinating report about the state of Mental Health for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. It’s an interesting read but also triggering.

Grief: That’s understandable.

Me: It is, but it’s a challenge sometimes working within the realm of disability and mental health because I inevitably think about my mom and get sad. I kept reading the report and thinking- where were these things for MY mom? Why did it take so long for the system to catch up with humans?

Grief: How amazing that you get to be a part of changing it for others.

Me: It is, but it also tugs at my heartstrings.

Grief: Your mom would be so proud of you and the advocacy work, fighting for people who don’t have a voice.

Me: I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it can be draining and emotionally exhausting.

Grief: That’s where that self-care you teach about comes in and it’s even more important when we can identify with those we serve.

Me: I can relate to it for both my mom and myself. We have both struggled with getting the right support. My mom was more affected by the broken system. I was able to watch and observe to learn what to do and not do, who to trust and not trust.

Grief: Systems can be tricky to navigate; you humans like to make things difficult for yourselves.

Me: We do have that problem and especially right now. The focus is on all the wrong things and meanwhile people are suffering and being killed for being who they are and being proud.

Grief: Humanity was on the right track for a while, we were cheering you on, but then things took quite a turn. The fighting got worse, and everyone turned against each other. It’s sad to see since humans are capable of so many things.

Me: I find myself often wondering why I try so hard to help humans when they can be so awful. I watched the love my mom and Grammy had for everyone. They were the only people that made me feel unconditional love besides my hubby. They didn’t judge people like so many and they accepted everyone. My mom once gave someone who was without a home the coat off of her back. My Grammy always gave what little she had. That seems to be how it works, those that have the least give the most.

Grief: I have watched humanity for a long time and I have noticed that too, money can definitely corrupt people.

Me: The wealthiest have had control for far too long and it’s time for it to come to an end. What we are going through was likely inevitable. Things always get worse before they get better. Reflecting on the civil rights movement reminds me that we must fight hard for change. I just wish that more people would wake up to where we are at. We are at a crossroads in not just the US, but the entire planet. We have destroyed our planet and each other. If we turn this around fast, we might recover, but much of the damage has already been done. Hate is a powerful force. Love is more powerful, but we need more people to make the choice- will you show up with love or hate?

Me: I saw my mom’s picture today- I have them everywhere.

Grief: That is good, we want to remember those we have lost.

Me: I still can’t look at them for very long without getting sad and tears coming to my eyes. Then I can’t breathe, and my eyes feel puffy. It’s a lot of work to grieve.  

Grief: Normal

Me: Listen, just because it’s normal doesn’t mean I like it. I mean using the bathroom is normal but it’s annoying and a hassle.

Grief: Again, using that sense of humor. Resilience is very important when grieving.

Me: Yes, I know. I teach people about it.

Grief: Teaching and doing are not the same.

Me: Well, sure, but I try really hard not to be a hypocrite and practice what I preach. Nothing pisses me off more than people who say one thing and do another constantly.

Grief: I’ve noticed but seeking justice for those around you is a good thing.

Me: It really angers people, especially right now.

Grief: That’s not my department but anger can be difficult to deal with. Hate even worse. Anger can be misunderstood though and often there is a different emotion behind it.

Me: Been there and it’s usually sadness and depression. Anger is easier than making yourself feel. I have been angry about my mom’s death for over a year and I still am, but I am starting to let go of the anger.

Grief: When we feel like we don’t have control over a situation as impactful as death, it leaves us feeling vulnerable and helpless at times. It’s paralyzing. I serve a purpose, but I’m supposed to be temporary.

Me: I am grieving much more than just the literal death of my mom, it’s complicated.

Grief: Humans have a lot of work to do if you are going to stop harming each other. You Mom was a victim of a broken system and stigma.

Me: Tell me about it, I never thought I would see anything like this in my lifetime. For many this is nothing new and everyone else is waking up to it. Grieving while the world is on fire is quite the experience.